I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
