I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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