Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
