somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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