So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
