he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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