can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
