We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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