is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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