Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
