the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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