Betty ford says i'm here all night
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
