I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
