Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
