i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
