Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
