he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
