She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
