I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
