Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
im six kinds of drunk right now
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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