All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
