i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
