I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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