If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
