how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
We got so high we made milksteak
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
