Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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