you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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