The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Why can't burritos get me drunk
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
