I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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