She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
well you can't waste a boner
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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