no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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