Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
