i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
