the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
