The maid of honor just puked.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize