im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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