My first STD was from a foam party
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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