are you still at the devil's house?
My sheets look like a crime scene.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
