forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
