He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
