Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
