That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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