yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
