I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
