god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
The feeling are messing with the penis
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
