At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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