i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
