If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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