Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
