You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
