3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
