Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
