Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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