Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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