just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
