If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize
