having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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