I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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