You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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