Cold hands, warm shart.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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