thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
party gras won. party gras always wins.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
