my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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