Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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