did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Never joke about your clitoris.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
