I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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